| | So, at this point in my life I think I've realized that I may never become a famous writer, I don't think I'll ever be a famous solo violinist, probably not a world-reknowned music teacher, speaker, masterclasstician, life coach, athlete, physical therapist, physisist, rocket scientist or perfect girlfriend of wife, but it's all wonderful anyway. I have had a strange sense of depression since I turned 22, as if my life literally were coming to an end and my shelf life had completly expired, but that's simply not the case. I'm not trying to spout motivation or anything, or foolishly hint at some stupid epiphany I've recently had at my own worth or the excitement of growing older, because that's not what I'm trying to do, but life, even though it's nothing like what I imagined when I was seven or eight dreaming of what life would be when I hit my 20's, it's still wonderful. And there is still a lot left to go, I imagine. Even though, this is the part when it starts to really get hard, when life is hard, the job is hard, and one may go home to a marriage that is not a fairyland and children that don't understand you, rebel and make you feel old, it seems that through the hardest times the best times are had, if only because the rest of life is so hard. I don't understand that yet, I don't know what it's going to be like to really not have the money I need, but it will come someday, and frankly, I'm looking forward to those challenges, because then I'll know what I'm made of, and it will only rest on me to make things happen. (It'll be like fight club or something...how much can you know about yourself if you've never beaten the crap out of someone...or something, or whatever.) I don't think I would trade the life I fantasized about when I was little for the life I had now, even though this life is so much harder than the fake one, because when it's all said and done, there are a lot of things happening that I wish weren't, but for the most part, things are working out just beautifully, and there's no sense in hating and fighting all the time. The sun can give you sunburn, but doesn't mean one hates the sun suddenly, and even when things are uncomfortable, it's a sensation that's been given and may never happen again. In the meantime I'm waiting for the maid to come to clean the house I'm watching, and then I will make my great departure. I cleaned the house last night...I don't understand the concept of having a maid, but this isn't my house so, they can do whatever they want. Rainbows fade away, but so do storms. At least that's what Fefe Dobson says.  |
