Currently Listening Obligatory Villagers By Nellie McKay Identity Theft see related

"Only you can stop the st-st-st-st-studderin'..."

Here's the thing.  I want to be at the beach.  I mean, I don't like being at the beach in the spring or summer because one normally has to have a bathing suit and stuff like that, but my two favorite things, winter and the beach, and I'm waiting for winter and wishing for the beach.

Coconut curry is good.  But not already ready already to eat coconut curry.  Just so you know.  Rosetta's, now that's the place to get it.

So, I guess, by extension, I wish I were in Asheville as well as the beach.  In winter.  Please, winter, return to me.

It's my last day at Old Navy today, which is neat but sad at the same time.  I hate working in retail, of all the jobs I've had, retail is not something I want to ever do again.  But, also, I really like the people there.  I realize that technically it would be retail, but I would love to work in a bookstore.  I really don't think it would bother me as much to work in a place where I had to reshelve books that were moved around as it bothers me to refold clothes and clean up messes that should not even be seen in the most drugged out of rescue shelters.  That may be a slight exaggeration, but there have been some terrible messes made by people that can only be excused from small puppies with seperation anxiety or over excitement. 

Anyway, making cakes is fun.  If anyone wants one, just lemme know and I will make something delicious for you.

Laters.

Currently Reading The Awakening By Kate Chopin see related

"if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave..."

Currently Listening Fefe Dobson By Fefe Dobson [Untitled Hidden Track] see related

"...if you never try you'll never know just what you're worth..."

So, at this point in my life I think I've realized that I may never become a famous writer, I don't think I'll ever be a famous solo violinist, probably not a world-reknowned music teacher, speaker, masterclasstician, life coach, athlete, physical therapist, physisist, rocket scientist or perfect girlfriend of wife, but it's all wonderful anyway.  I have had a strange sense of depression since I turned 22, as if my life literally were coming to an end and my shelf life had completly expired, but that's simply not the case.  I'm not trying to spout motivation or anything, or foolishly hint at some stupid epiphany I've recently had at my own worth or the excitement of growing older, because that's not what I'm trying to do, but life, even though it's nothing like what I imagined when I was seven or eight dreaming of what life would be when I hit my 20's, it's still wonderful.  And there is still a lot left to go, I imagine.  Even though, this is the part when it starts to really get hard, when life is hard, the job is hard, and one may go home to a marriage that is not a fairyland and children that don't understand you, rebel and make you feel old, it seems that through the hardest times the best times are had, if only because the rest of life is so hard.  I don't understand that yet, I don't know what it's going to be like to really not have the money I need, but it will come someday, and frankly, I'm looking forward to those challenges, because then I'll know what I'm made of, and it will only rest on me to make things happen.  (It'll be like fight club or something...how much can you know about yourself if you've never beaten the crap out of someone...or something, or whatever.)

I don't think I would trade the life I fantasized about when I was little for the life I had now, even though this life is so much harder than the fake one, because when it's all said and done, there are a lot of things happening that I wish weren't, but for the most part, things are working out just beautifully, and there's no sense in hating and fighting all the time.  The sun can give you sunburn, but doesn't mean one hates the sun suddenly, and even when things are uncomfortable, it's a sensation that's been given and may never happen again.

In the meantime I'm waiting for the maid to come to clean the house I'm watching, and then I will make my great departure.  I cleaned the house last night...I don't understand the concept of having a maid, but this isn't my house so, they can do whatever they want.

Rainbows fade away, but so do storms.  At least that's what Fefe Dobson says. 

Currently Listening V for Vendetta By Various Artists not really... see related

something i've been working on...instead of reading

Here's some jazzy lyrics I'm working on...for whomever's amusement it seems to suit...or whatever.

"Mary guards an empty field
Mother full of grace; genteel,
Reminds me of what happens when
The days that died come back again.

If you could see how much I tried
To forgive you all the times you lied...
You promised me, you promised me--
Oh, I hate it,
That you're crying over meaningless things
While I'm dying over you.


The school bus parked in my back yard
Reminds me that the times are hard
And now it's happening again:
The ties that bind refuse to mend.
You lied to me, you lied to me--
Oh, I hate it, that you're crying over meaningless things
While I'm dying over you.

The moonlight shows your smile
But again, it's just the moon.
Stars alive in your eyes: distant planets,
Nothing to it.
The ocean filled with salty tears
Only the ocean under my shoes...

I'm gone for anywhere but home
Romance in living all alone.
Your memory persists to stay
And now it rains another day.

I'm leaving you, I'm leaving you
Oh, I hate it
That you're dying over meaningless things
While I'm crying to the moon."

So, there's that.

Also, I wanted to know where the cent sign went on the keyboard?  What's the deal with that?  I miss that thing.  It was a nice little symbol. 

And basically, it's awesome because I don't work at Cold Stone anymore, YAY!!  And it looks like I just may graduate on time.  YAY!  That would be super nice.  I wonder if they offer a class over Christmas break...I think I've decided I'm a class-a-holic...I'm in a lot of freaking classes and keep adding more all the time. 

The short story is, I love my life.  A lot.  I mean, it's not perfect by any means, but now that I'm busy all the time, I love it.  And the classes I have are freaking wonderful!  And I have a new room, essentially, which makes staying at home a lot better.  I hate that I didn't get to take a big trip over the summer and I have no idea when I'll be able to leave the state again, but I don't miss summer right now, I'm much happier having too much to do to think about stuff. 

And, V for Vendetta has all the political answers you're looking for, so turn off your AM radio political dj's that I know you all listen to and just look for the future in there.  It's not, of course, perfect, but it is the perfect movie and it should be required watching for every class ever.  Maybe I just love it too much.  Maybe not...

Anyway, now that you think I'm a bad writer, obsessive compulsive and a heretic I will sign off and see you guys later.

Bye.

Currently Listening Schindler's List: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack By John Williams, Itzhak Perlman see related

remember, remember

Asheville was incredible today!  I love being there!  I mean, sure it was hot and all that stuff but we walked around all day and had a lot of fun--bought some crap and about thirteen bottles of water and a dozen vegan cookies, which are actually really good, but maybe it's just been a long time since I've had cookies.

I played my violin last night for a long time before falling asleep.  It was the sweetest catharsis.  It's been since about May since I actually played the thing.  And now I'm listening to Schindler's List, which always puts me in the mood to play, or write, or something creative until I fall asleep again.

Noah comes home tonight!!  YAY!!!  Adam and Maggie come home tomorrow!!  YAY!!!  I've been so bored here by myself this week, and I have missed Noah to death while he's been at school!!  I am so excited that he's coming home tonight!!

Hendersonville was cool today too.  Def great to get out and be somewhere else for an entire day--makes it feel like I wasn't completly cheated out of a wonderful summer.  At least, vacation wise.  They're cutting my hours at work now, which is a little bit of a bummer but they are only taking away my Saturday night, which I guess really isn't bad at all.  I mean, I'll have Saturday night off again, not that I ever have huge plans on Saturday night but, well, whatever.

Schindler's List always makes me really miss Sonja.  You'd think at this point this cd wouldn't bother me anymore since I haven't heard from her in like, five years, but for some reason it does.  I guess it's the most perfect representation of her I have, and because she played it, I guess, that makes a difference.

Oh well.

In the meantime, I love soy, I love soy, I love soy!  You can make everything out of it from "milk" to "meat" to candles!  YAY!

Later.